You might be a graduate student if…

(Happy Monday! My answers in BOLD)

1. you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate;

2. you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet;

3. you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read;

4. you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar;

5. you rate coffee shops (or bars) by the availability of wifi and outlets for your laptop;

6. everything reminds you of something in your discipline;

7. you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event;

8. you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper;

9. there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider “yours” (teka, uso pa ba ito?);

10. you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche;

11. you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library;

12. you look forward to summers because you’re more productive without the distraction of classes;

13. you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin;

14. you consider all papers to be works in progress;

15. professors don’t really care when you turn in work anymore; (did they ever?)

16 .you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text;

17. you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area;

18. you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation;

19. you reflexively start analyzing those Greek letters before you realize that it’s a sorority sweater, not an equation;

20. you find yourself explaining to children sheepishly admitting that you are in “20th 22nd grade”; (Christ!)

21. you start referring to stories like “Snow White et al.” ;

22. you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta or cup noodles without getting scurvy;

23. you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry;

24. you have more photocopy cards than credit cards;

25. you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as “personal communication”;

26. you can identify universities by their internet domains;

27. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels;

28. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes;

29. you understand jokes about Foucault; (Nope, still over my head…)

30. the concept of free time scares you; (There’s no such thing; everyday is Wednesday in grad school)

31. you consider caffeine to be a major food group;

32. you’ve ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied;

33. Friday or Saturday nights spent studying no longer seems weird;

34. the prof doesn’t show up to class and you discuss the readings anyways;

35. you appreciate the fact that you get to choose *which* twenty hours out of the day that you have to work;

36. you still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you’ll get over it);

37. you can read course books and cook at the same time; (Considering I can’t cook, not sure this says much)

38. you schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come;

39. you hope it rains during spring break so you can get more studying done;

40. you’ve ever worn out a copy card;

41. you find taking notes in a park relaxing;

42. you find yourself citing sources in conversation when posting blog comments;

43. you’ve ever sent a personal letter with footnotes; and,

44. you have days when you can’t bring yourself to do any work, so you “keep busy” by procrastinating (or blogging).


(Courtesy of Mad now/here no/where woman, via Profacero.)


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